Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted. Matthew 5:4. On August 12, 2009, my father died from complications after suffering a hemorrhagic stroke. I was only five years old at the time. I remember the day so vividly. From the fruity pebbles I reluctantly ate that morning to the Luther Vandross song that played on the radio on the melancholic drive home from the hospice and even the sound of the heart monitor flatlining. For those miniature first five years of my life, I always thought my dad was this strong, smart, and invincible superhero who could overcome anything. Unfortunately, I was wrong.

My father had no insurance, and my mother stopped working when she got pregnant with me, so my family was in deep debt and relied on others’ good graces to even cremate my dad after his funeral services. We suffered from food insecurities, emotional trauma and even almost went homeless several times after he died. Despite being so young, I took his death especially hard. Although I was genetically predisposed to these mental health conditions, I began suffering from extreme depression, anxiety, and post-traumatic stress disorder from watching my dad die.

It has been almost 12 years since my dad died, and my family and I still seem to suffer from the repercussions of it mentally and financially. I always manage my depression, anxiety, and post-traumatic stress disorder reasonably well. Despite remarrying and finding a job, my mother still struggles to make ends meet and pay for my brother’s college expenses. When it comes to me, she will, unfortunately, also have the same struggle. As the time for me to go off to college draws to a close, I can’t help but wonder where the money will come from. I have tried looking for jobs, but most places won’t hire a 17-year-old.

If my father had any type of insurance, maybe these problems could’ve been avoided. I guess I will never know. Possibly my family wouldn’t struggle so much financially. Maybe my brother would be able to afford college. Perhaps I wouldn’t battle with my mental health issues. Everything has been different since that August day in 2009. I love and miss my father dearly. I feel as though my life has flipped upside down, but I live for my dad. I believe that’s what he would’ve wanted me to do. I want to follow my dreams, just as I hope he would like me to do. I am planning on going to Santa Monica College to pursue Theater. After graduating with my A.A. degree, I plan on transferring to Howard to achieve my goal of getting a B.F.A in acting.

This experience has taught me not to take my loved ones for granted and is shaping me to be an open-minded young adult. I hope to become an easy-going, accepting, and nonpartisan person that anyone can talk about their problems with, just like my dad.

 I was only seven years old when my mother was first diagnosed with ovarian cancer. For the first two years, my mother had a lot of surgeries and therapies, and was even bedridden for nine months straight. This forced me to grow up a lot faster than my classmates. I didn’t fully grasp why my mom was so sick, but I did understand that I had to be mature and strong.
Although my mom was declared cancer-free when I was ten, she had multiple recurrences of cancer. To make my life even more challenging, my parents got divorced when I was in eighth grade, and that took a lot of money out of my parent’s pockets to finalize. With so much on my mind, it was difficult to focus on school, but my parents taught me to never give up.
My freshman year was amazing. My mom had beaten her fourth recurrence, I was playing for my school soccer team, I had good grades, good friends, and my mom and I were closer than ever. This euphoria continued into sophomore year.

Unfortunately, her cancer did come back at the beginning of the summer before junior year, and it was diagnosed as terminal. At this point, I had to get a job to help with groceries and car insurance. I also had to give up soccer, which was devastating to me because I had planned to play in college. I worked through the sadness of having to quit soccer, knowing that this was just one more adversity I had to overcome. I began my junior year with a 3.5 GPA and almost all honors and AP classes.

In October 2019, my mother passed away in hospice care and everything changed. My best friend was gone. I thought I was never going to recover from the loss. I wanted to make her proud, so despite her passing and the emotional toll it took on me, I pushed myself harder than I’ve ever pushed before; I got my grades back up to A’s and B’s, I went back to work, I paid for most of my new car, and I made a 4.1 GPA. None of it was easy, and there were many long days when I had to work 6 days a week to save money for college since my mom did not have any kind of life insurance policy in her name. I believe that if she did have a life insurance policy, I would still be working at my job the same amount because all of the money from her death would have been put into my college funds and I would not have to stress constantly about how I am going to pay for my 4-year degree and then medical school on top of that.

My life has been changed forever. My college plans have been very stressful, however, they have not waivered. I wish to become a dermatologist with the simple goal of just helping people who need me, just like my I am confident that my learned ability to be resilient and to succeed in my pursuits, even when the world throws what seem to be insurmountable obstacles in my path, is an ability that will serve me well in college and beyond.

The greater the storm, the brighter the rainbow, references to my life’s journey. I witnessed a life damaging curveball that struck my heart at 9 years old. On Christmas Eve of 2010 was a peaceful evening, little did I know it wouldn’t be the same.

While counting down the hours before Christmas arrived, I witnessed the passing of my mother right before my eyes. This memory is vivid as it replays on my mind like an endless scene you can’t unsee. My mother laid on her bed saying she was hot and her heart felt funny. I touched her forehead and she was cold and sweaty. I never saw my mother who is so fearless, scared. I was hoping that my mother would be okay after the ambulance arrived at our home. Instead, she was pronounced dead at the hospital. She had a blood clot to the lungs causing her untimely death at 39 years old. It’s a hard pill to swallow knowing this was the last day my mother would ever hold me, give me and my siblings reassurance of love and seeing her smile and full of life. My mother left behind 4 children. My siblings and I walked into my mother’s hospital room seeing her lifeless body as we say our final goodbyes. I leaned on her chest and held her hand hoping she’ll wake up and this is all a bad dream. My reality reminded me it wasn’t as I looked at her body remembering the moments leading up to her death remained on replay. A joyous holiday turned into a Christmas nightmare in a blink of an eye.

The loss of my mother and my father’s absence affected my college plans because I had to support my own college expenses and personal expenses young. Three years following my mother’s passing, my father was sentenced to prison when I was only 11 years old. I had to get a job to support myself starting at 14 and not having a stable home until I was 14. Despite my circumstances, my education is my coping method as my mother always been proud of academics. I plan on becoming a defense attorney and help reform the Criminal Justice system once receiving my Bachelor’s in Criminal Justice. If my mother had life insurance I would have savings to further my education in college and not have to seek employment at a young age to financially help myself. The aftermath of my mother’s passing caused me and my siblings to split up. Me and my two brothers relocated to Detroit from Los Angeles, while my sister at age 20 remained in Los Angeles. If we had the opportunity to receive life insurance, we would not have been separated from our sister. My mother never wanted us to be apart, we could have afforded living expenses if we received life insurance. The separation caused my brothers and I to live in an unstable environment, while mourning the loss of our mother.