LIFE HAPPENS

I was in the midst of my teenage years. I truly thought life was happening for me until death happened. Just three weeks after my 16th birthday my mother transitioned to heaven. For years it was the two of us against the world, and against all odds. She was a struggling, single mother determined to get her Bachelor’s degree, and make life better for us. Very keen on education, she finished her degree, landed a great job, then “life happened.”

My mother met and married my stepfather. We were a family, but they longed for a child between the two of them; while my mother longed for her Master’s degree. After a miscarriage, my mother selflessly tried again. This time she was diagnosed with a rare brain cancer, and remained in the hospital for several months after birthing my little brother. She was unable to nurture him like she wanted, for she now needed nurturing.That’s when my grandmother (Nana) who is disabled stepped in. She became my mother’s
tireless caregiver, and even moved in with us.

Life continued to happen, just not the way I would have wanted it to. It allowed me to realize that God is the author of life. My mother held on to see my 16th birthday which was on her bucket list. As I saw her take her last breath, I received the baton she passed to me. After the burial we were notified that she did have life insurance. She just made the mistake of entrusting my stepfather as beneficiary. He now continues to make his life happen with benefits intended for the well-being of my brother and me. While he is buying new vehicles and making plans to remarry; everyday has been an emotional struggle for me.

I now live with my Nana, and I see the struggle that she has daily. She would never try to replace my mother, but she has laced up her shoes, stepped up to the plate, and is ready to swing at every curve ball that comes our way. Even when getting to see my little brother every other weekend became an issue, my Nana said to trust God. We did, and He has worked it out for us. I wanted to work and help out monetarily, but Nana said my mother would want me to play ball as if she was here. Although I didn’t get to see much playing time my Senior year, I stayed the course. When I looked in the stands I knew my mother was also there in spirit. I feel her presence daily.

I encourage those with loved ones to not trust your life insurance to others. Make your wishes and intentions valid and legally documented. I feel pressure from both my brother and my mother. One looking up, and one looking down; but both watching me. I will lace up my shoes, carry the baton, and continue the educational journey that my mother so wanted to finish.

Losing my father was the hardest things my family has ever had to endure. He suffered from PTSD and depression and on April 18, 2017 his illness took hold and he took his own life. I will forever remember my mom walking into the room with tear rolling down her face and telling my sister and I that our dad was gone. My little sister responded with “Mommy, where did he go?” His death left us heartbroken and broke.

My father did not have life insurance when he passed. He was hurt badly in an oilfield accident 3 years prior to his death and lost all of his benefits. If he would have had life insurance things would have been so different. Shortly after he passed it became evident that we could no longer afford our home. We had to move in with my grandparents. My mother, sister and I all shared one small bedroom. Times were hard but we stuck together and made it through. It took her a whole year of living at my grandparents to pay off their debt, the money borrowed for the funeral and to save up enough money for a down payment on a home she could afford on her teacher’s salary.

I helped out as much as I could to ease the financial burdens my mother now faced on her own. I worked two jobs that summer, one life guarding at our old neighborhood pool and also life guarding for a daycare. I taught swim lessons on the side and babysat as much as I could. I saved up enough money to buy my own car and I haven’t stopped working since. I try not to ask my mom for much because I know it hurts her to have to say “we can’t afford it” all the time. I am proud to say that in almost 3 years of driving, my mom has never had to give me a penny for gas. Things would have been so different if my dad was still here. He took pride in providing for us and giving us all that we needed. This experience has definitely made me more mature and responsible with my money.

My father’s lack of life insurance made paying for college a challenge and put unnecessary stress on my mom and I. My senior year was spent writing essays for every scholarship we could find. At one point I was done, I told her none of the other moms put this much stress on their kids to do this. She told me we weren’t like all those other families. They all had moms and dads to help pay for their college. All I had was her and it killed her that she couldn’t assist financially, so we continued applying. I received several small scholarships my senior year and I am currently attending Texas State, majoring in accounting. I don’t ever want to leave my family in the situation he left us in.

On December 23rd 2020, my father passed away with COVID-19 and pneumonia. At 9:27 pm his heart stopped, my mom’s heart stopped and my heart stopped. My mom screamed and cried in my arms, screaming “come on Jay, come on Jay” and as she cried all I could do is say “calm down mom, it’s going to be ok.” I was so shocked. I couldn’t even cry and to this day I still haven’t cried because I have to be strong for my mom. That same night my uncle and aunt came over and we had to drive to the hospital to pick up my dad’s belongings; that was the longest car ride of my life. The silence killed me and my mom’s tears that I wiped felt like a knife to my chest. When we got to the hospital a nurse brought my dad’s belongings out in a bag, A BAG. Do you know how it feels to see the last of a loved one in a bag? The saddest part of the whole situation is, my mom had to spray the bag with Lysol before we could even pick it up. Once we got home all I could do is lay in my bed in silence just looking at the ceiling, wondering, what in the world are we going to do now…

During the next few weeks, my mom and I found out we didn’t even know the man we loved. My dad has 2 mortgages on our house, one is worth $276,000 and the other is a home equity loan worth $65,000; the balance on our home loans is $316,000. Also, my father got a loan on our RV and the balance on the RV is $118,000. Even the car my dad got my mom for Christmas, which we were told was paid off, has a remaining loan balance of $14,000. Then my dad has 3 mortgages on 3 properties that have balances of $29,000.$71,000,$81,000. Nonetheless, my dad has credit card debt that is worth $100,000 or more.

Being that my dad didn’t have life insurance and didn’t have money saved up for my college fund, my mom and I have to figure out how we are going to live and how we are going to pay off all these loans. If my dad had life insurance we would have had some type of stability in our life knowing we had money to pay off his debts and pay for my college.

I plan to attend FAMU in the fall, majoring in sociology, in order to become a chief diversity officer to help minorities. But as of now, I have no idea how I am going to pay for college. Therefore, I have been applying for every scholarship my guidance counselor and I can find. I’ve been saving my work paychecks so my mom doesn’t have to worry about the financial burden of college. Sadly, I can’t even mourn my father’s death because of our financial crisis.

When I was in eighth grade my father decided to take his own life. My father, who I had always seen as the happiest man I knew, the life of the party, decided that his life was no longer worth living and left me, my stay-at-home mother, and my three younger sisters alone. When he died, we discovered his mountain of debt and that he had stopped paying for his, and all our, life insurance policies. Although my mother had nothing to do with any of my father’s finances, because he had put her name on the house and various other items, the immense amount of debt he raked up was thrown onto her and we were left with nothing. No car insurance, no life insurance, and no medical insurance. We lost our house, our car, and almost all the money we had, forcing my mother to claim bankruptcy in order to be exempt from the debt he had signed her to. If my father had continued paying for his life insurance, we probably would have had enough money to pay off all his debt. We lived with our grandparents for a few weeks until we were fortunate enough to find a home that our relatives helped us pay rent for. My mom, who had not worked in over fifteen years, found a part-time job as a personal trainer and we have been living paycheck to paycheck since then. Although we have been very lucky to have relatives who are willing to help us, paying for college has been an enormous financial burden, especially since my mother’s bankruptcy ruined her credit. This further prevents her from cosigning any student loans. I am currently in my second semester of my freshman year at Temple University and work forty-hour weeks all summer and winter breaks in order to help pay for my tuition. Often, I have to visit my university’s student food pantry in order to afford groceries. I am on track to graduate a semester early and will then move on to receive a master’s degree in accountancy. This scholarship would be so helpful to me and my mother, especially since she has to worry about paying for all three of my younger sisters to attend college in the next four years. This scholarship would relieve so much of the financial burden that I feel I have placed my family under this year by going to school and could make a real difference in my life.