My name is Cassie Carter and I’m from a small town in Texas named Argyle. The past 18 years of my life have been less than conventional. After my parents divorce my mom started finding enjoyment in other men, which quickly would become her downfall. After remarrying 5 times in her 48 years, carrying me on her shoulders, my mom woke up on a warm Tuesday morning in August just 6 days before my first day of senior year and decided to take her life. She had also been dealt the hand of a hard life. During her 3rd marriage, she silently battled a violent relationship linked to the addiction of alcohol and drugs. Making the reality of domestic violence that more real, her husband would eventually beat my mom up to the point of no recognition and shoot her twice in the back proceeding to then kill himself afterwards. She always questioned if God saving her that day was a good thing, because the hard part was to follow; depression and PTSD. As a 12 year old hiding in the shadows while this was happening, it was something that will forever have an effect on my life, and further remove what childhood I had left. Additionally everything that made my mom herself was gone, coated with trauma and pain.
The past 6 months have given me time to reflect on what my mom was thinking that day and I have come to the consensus she simply wanted the pain to stop. Days after my mothers passing, I learned that no life insurance was left and the funeral costs were expected to be paid out of pocket. Also summing up the reality that any funds for the future put in place were not existent. My mother had made no arrangements, including not writing a will. If my mom had life insurance not only would it take the pressure off paying for tuition but even the smaller things like groceries and gas. Now it’s up to my single dad to pay for the next 4 years of college, which is impossible without scholarships. I recently put my 2 weeks notice in as a host at a restaurant, because my dad started working more hours allowing me to focus on my grades. My goal for a long time has been to be a nurse. I was born with an ear deformity and partial deafness making the hospital a familiar place. Recently, I have this new found passion to pursue a nursing career that particularly has to do with mental health. My mother always pushed me to attend college because she had not. I have worked hard to apply and have received acceptances to 3 colleges. This is the Lord’s way of saying that life does not end when everything else feels like it does. However, what this life has taught me is to not put things off, even with the risk of failure, I’d rather fail than have not tried at all.
The past 6 months have given me time to reflect on what my mom was thinking that day and I have come to the consensus she simply wanted the pain to stop. Days after my mothers passing, I learned that no life insurance was left and the funeral costs were expected to be paid out of pocket. Also summing up the reality that any funds for the future put in place were not existent. My mother had made no arrangements, including not writing a will. If my mom had life insurance not only would it take the pressure off paying for tuition but even the smaller things like groceries and gas. Now it’s up to my single dad to pay for the next 4 years of college, which is impossible without scholarships. I recently put my 2 weeks notice in as a host at a restaurant, because my dad started working more hours allowing me to focus on my grades. My goal for a long time has been to be a nurse. I was born with an ear deformity and partial deafness making the hospital a familiar place. Recently, I have this new found passion to pursue a nursing career that particularly has to do with mental health. My mother always pushed me to attend college because she had not. I have worked hard to apply and have received acceptances to 3 colleges. This is the Lord’s way of saying that life does not end when everything else feels like it does. However, what this life has taught me is to not put things off, even with the risk of failure, I’d rather fail than have not tried at all.