Pacific Life Recipient

Creighton Clewis

AMOUNT: $15,000
SCHOOL: Metropolitan Community College
Grief is a never-ending roller coaster of feeling angry, confused as to why it had to happen, its being depressed, and in denial. Most days I wish I could go back and change the things that I regret; maybe say I love you more, other time I’m able to tell myself it wasn’t my fault. One will never truly know what its like to lose a parent to suicide, until they experience it themselves. 2019 on April 2nd was the day that my mother had decided to take her own life. Little did she know, she also took a bit of my own life with her. When she had passed, I knew that I would have waves of emotions, but I never expected myself to feel financially drained.

My mother ironically had no savings account. It was clear as to why her savings was empty, acknowledging all her issues with spending her money due to depression, and living paycheck to paycheck in the past. But we were lucky to know my mother at least had life insurance. The insurance had covered most of the funeral, but not everything like we had hoped. My grandma ended up spending around $7000 as a beneficiary, and my older sister had chipped in around $1,200 for my mother’s stone. In sight of all this, my mother had left our bank accounts damaged, with only $10 left from my mother which wasn’t enough to make up for the things we had lost.

Since my mother’s passing, I have dug deeper into financial issues, something I thought would never happen. I currently am holding down three jobs to support my father who I moved in with following my mother’s passing. I now provide for myself more than I believe a dependent should. I had to buy my own car, I now pay for my own phone, I help support my family with rent and groceries, and I also had a gap In my car insurance after my mothers death, which caused my expenses to rise. With my mother’s death, I now am also struggling to make It possible to attend college which is my top priority and continue the therapy that I need.

If my mother had a savings account, and started life insurance earlier in her years, my family wouldn’t have had to struggle so much financially. I wouldn’t have to work so hard to make ends meet and I wouldn’t have to spend money to attend therapy for my mental health. Nothing has been the same since my mother had left. Everyday has become struggle for me and my family, and we all miss my mother very much. I feel as though my life got flipped around, but I aspire to keep living like my mother would have wanted, which is why I decided to go to college and major in Psychology to become a therapist. My mother’s depression took her life, and I don’t want others to have to suffer like my family did.

The Life Lessons Scholarship is made possible through individual donations and corporate sponsorships. Your financial support can make a world of difference for a young person struggling to afford a college education due to the loss of a parent or guardian.

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